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Love, Growth, and Everything In Between

Love, in all its forms, is not just a personal experience—it’s an anchor that connects and sustains us, especially in times of uncertainty. When the world feels unstable, when life is unpredictable, choosing to nurture love—whether romantic, familial, or communal—is an act of resilience. 



Love awakens something deep within us, expands our world, and pulls us into something bigger than ourselves. It’s why songs, movies, and entire industries are built around capturing its magic. 


Movies and social media show love as instant, effortless, and all-consuming. The immense highs—the first kiss, the intense attraction—but what makes love last? What keeps it fulfilling beyond the rush of newness? Psychologists have spent decades studying love, not as a fantasy, but as a dynamic, ever-changing experience integral for our sense of self. 


The Love Triangle


Robert Sternberg (1986) proposed that love isn’t just one thing—it’s a combination of passion, intimacy, and commitment. These elements form the foundation of relationships, but in ways far more nuanced. Understanding them can help us navigate love with more awareness—whether we’re in the first rush of romance, settling into long-term stability, or reconfiguring our relationships after major life changes.

  • Passion – The spark that makes your heart race. It’s what makes love feel alive, what draws us in and compels us to open up. 

  • Intimacy – The emotional closeness, trust, and vulnerability that create depth. It’s the late-night conversations, the inside jokes, the feeling of being truly seen.

  • Commitment – The decision to stay and build something lasting. It’s choosing each other, even when the excitement of passion ebbs and flows.


Movies and social media tend to focus on the highs—the whirlwind romance, the grand gestures, the fairytale endings. What they don’t show is what happens after the credits roll. This form of love mirrors what Sternberg (1986) called infatuated love: passion without intimacy or commitment. It’s the spark without the substance. And, as research shows, it tends to burn out quickly. He refers to consummate love as the balance between the three elements creating a richer, deeper, and more expansive love. It represents a journey of deep emotional bonds, a passionate connection, and unwavering dedication to one another's well-being to carry us through happy and challenging times.


Why Falling in Love Feels Like a Movie (At First)


Falling in love can feel like a movie because, neurologically, it’s a kind of emotional high. Research by Fisher et al. (2002) found that romantic love activates the brain’s dopamine system—the same system linked to addiction. It creates a euphoric, obsessive focus on the other person, fueling a sense of urgency and exhilaration.


That rush of falling in love isn’t just about attraction—it’s about transformation. The self-expansion model (Aron & Aron, 1996) suggests that when we fall in love, we incorporate our partner into our sense of self. Love literally expands us—we adopt new interests, new perspectives, and a new way of seeing the world.


This is why the early stages of love feel so exhilarating. It’s not just the other person we’re excited about—it’s the version of ourselves that emerges in their presence. We feel bigger, more alive, more connected to possibility.


This expansion is essential—not just at the start, but throughout a relationship. Love thrives when both partners continue to grow, challenge each other, and step into new experiences together. Love reminds us that even when the world feels uncertain, we are capable of growing, connecting, and creating something new.


What Happens After the “Happily Ever After”?


One of the biggest myths we absorb from the media is that love should always feel the way it does in the beginning. Social media displays images of perfect relationships and we might start questioning our own love stories, wondering if we’re missing something. But real love isn’t static—it evolves as we grow together. 


Sternberg (1986) initially suggested that passion declines in long-term relationships while intimacy and commitment grow. However, later studies (Acevedo & Aron, 2009) challenge this, showing that passion can be sustained—but it shifts. Rather than the excitement of newness and obsession of early love, long-term passion is about emotional security, shared experiences, and mutual effort. Couples who actively engage in new activities together, express appreciation, and maintain physical affection are more likely to keep passion alive over time.


Sustaining passion isn’t about chasing the highs of early love—it’s about continuing to expand together. It’s about maintaining curiosity, embracing novelty, and choosing to see each other with fresh eyes.


Love as a Lifelong Journey


Real love isn’t about waiting for a fairytale to unfold. It’s about actively creating the kind of relationship that feels fulfilling, exciting, and deeply connected. That means:

  • Prioritising intimacy – making space for real conversations, emotional depth, and vulnerability.

  • Keeping the spark alive intentionally – trying new things together, maintaining physical connection, and staying engaged.

  • Choosing each other, over and over again – not out of obligation, but out of a desire to grow together.


True love is about building something that lasts, not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it. When the world feels fragile, love—whether romantic, platonic, or communal—is one of the strongest forces we have. It connects, grounds, and sustains us. It reminds us that even in times of uncertainty, we can create something stable, meaningful, and real.

The best love stories aren’t the ones we watch—they’re the ones we live.



References

  • Acevedo, B. P., & Aron, A. (2009). Does a long-term relationship kill romantic love? Review of General Psychology, 13(1), 59–65. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014226

  • Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (1996). Self and self-expansion in relationships. In G. J. O. Fletcher & J. Fitness (Eds.), Knowledge structures in close relationships: A social psychological approach (pp. 325–344). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

  • Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., Mashek, D. J., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2002). Defining the brain systems of lust, romantic attraction, and attachment. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 31(5), 413–419. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1019881110455

  • Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119


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